i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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