the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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