who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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