We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
