i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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