Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
