I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
