just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
