this boner is exhausting
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
