PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
