he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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