I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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