Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Someone signed my nipple.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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