he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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