My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
