He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im six kinds of drunk right now
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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