Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
