i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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