i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
