What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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