I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
