It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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