can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
