apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
