I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
