I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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