That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
