On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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