You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
