mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
