I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
