Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
this must be what syphilis tastes like
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
