People in love make me want to vomit
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
