His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
