Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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