i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
