i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
