i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
