From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
