I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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