Will you blow on my dice?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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