Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
