Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i've created a new STD.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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