I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
