Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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