I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
