WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
