i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
