i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
