Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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