Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
