Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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