dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
