Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
